Roger’s experience of breast cancer as a gay man

Talking to Breast Cancer Now staff

During Pride month, we invited Roger to talk to Breast Cancer Now staff about his experiences as a gay man going through breast cancer, the importance of intimate relationships during treatment, and the need for healthcare professionals to understand what it means to him to be treated as a gay man.

We were delighted to have Roger talk to us about the specific needs of LGBT+ people and older people going through breast cancer, and we’d like to share some of his key points with you all – in his own words!

A little about Roger

I am a retired teacher and live in Margate with my husband Nigel. I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer just over six years ago, and had a mastectomy and infected lymph nodes removed; a course of radiotherapy followed, and I had tamoxifen prescribed. I have recently been discharged from care by my consultant.

I am glad to be a member of the Male Breast Cancer online support group (the Men’s VMU) and value my involvement with Breast Cancer Now.

The difference a healthcare professional can make

As in all situations for us members of the LGBT community, it is vital that healthcare professionals and service providers employ a pro-active approach to a person’s sexuality and not just a passive acceptance. It mattered greatly to me that, whenever I spoke with my Macmillan nurse, she always asked how my husband was, and used his name during our conversation.

The value of close community and partner relationships

When we go through challenges in our lives, and especially when our health is concerned, the comfort and support of family and friends is vital. We cannot assume that LGBT people will have that support. The majority of us are not likely to be married or even in a partnership, and some of us, even today, may have been separated from their family because of their sexuality. LGBTs often see their LGBT friends as a family of choice, but older people may not even have that benefit because they are not ‘out’.

Challenges of being older and LGBT

In spite of the welcome changes in the law, older LGBTs not only experience the same kind of challenges that all older people experience, but they bring into the present a huge amount of emotional baggage arising from their treatment in the ‘old days’. This may mean that when confronted by such issues as the diagnosis of breast cancer they may need encouragement to ‘come out’ so as to ensure that their care can be holistic.

All LGBT people should be encouraged to ensure that in such situations they take out a power of attorney in order that they are supported by the people they choose and receive the care they wish.

What still needs to change

Healthcare providers, when dealing with LGBTs, need to be guided away from the ‘we treat everyone the same’ approach to care, and be guided to recognise that we are different – though equally different – with a distinct culture, language and way of life.

Only by providers acknowledging this and by asking the right questions will LGBTs be assured that their care will be informed and effective.

What Breast Cancer Now can do

Breast Cancer Now should continue its good and welcome process of examining its language, activities, organisation and use of images, and thus ensure that it is seen to be inclusive in its relationship with its LGBT members. The question must always be ‘does this meet the needs of LGBT people?’

We’re so grateful to Roger for being so open and helping us as a charity continue to learn about different people’s experiences, so we can make sure we continue to examine and challenge ourselves and our practice. If you’d like to hear more, you can read Roger’s previous blog or listen to Miranda talk about her experience.

And if you’d like to share your own experience, you can tell us your story through our webform – don’t forget to mention Breast Cancer Voices!