“Acknowledging my sexuality was vital in ensuring that my treatment was holistic”

Tell me a bit about yourself

Roger: I’m an 82 year old retired teacher, living in Margate. I married my husband Nigel in 2013, an event which as a gay man I never thought would happen.

I’m a gay activist and have spent much of my retirement raising awareness of the needs of older LGBTQ+ people.

Miranda: My name is Miranda Ashitey, I’m 41 years old. I’m from Croydon, and would describe myself as an all or nothing person, just like my cancer!

What’s been your experience of breast cancer?

Miranda: I was initially diagnosed with stage 2 grade 3 breast cancer in August 2014 and in February 2019, I received the secondary diagnosis of breast cancer. Due to being Black and 32 years old when I got my primary diagnosis, it was difficult to see people that looked like myself in the literature. I often would be the youngest person in the room receiving treatment.

Roger: Over 20 years ago had a benign lump near my nipple. So, when 7 years ago I discovered another lump, I knew it needed urgent action. I was diagnosed with breast cancer and I underwent a mastectomy and removal of lymph nodes. A course of radiotherapy followed, and I was prescribed a course of Tamoxifen which I’m still taking.

My quality of life has changed since my diagnosis - I get tired more easily and I face the possibility of the cancer returning. But with the invaluable support from my husband living in the present is far from impossible.

Has there been anything or anyone that’s especially supported or helped you in this?

Roger: My husband, of course, has been marvellous and the response of Breast Cancer Now has been warm, understanding and there is also clearly a willingness to learn about our needs.

And, encouragingly there is also a monthly online support group for men with breast cancer. But, for me, it’s early days and I’ve yet to meet another gay man with breast cancer.

Miranda: Being a part of support groups online have been a great help. Knowing someone that has gone through what I have been showed I wasn’t alone. Also, having a supportive friends and family network was a great comfort.

How has being a member of the LGBTQ+ community impacted your experience of breast cancer?

Roger: Because of my involvement in gay activism there was no doubt that I would declare my sexuality. For me, acknowledging my sexuality was vital in ensuring that my treatment was holistic. As was the acceptance of my husband’s role in my treatment by health professionals.

And still, even in today, we can’t be sure that health professionals will get it right. Recently at a hospital consultation, the doctor kept referring to ‘my wife’ despite me correcting her each time. And so, as LGBTQ+ people, we regularly still need to ‘come out’ and, for some, it isn’t worth the risk.

How do you think breast cancer affects people in the LGBTQ+ community more widely?

Miranda: It’s still an under-represented dynamic within cancer, especially with trials, diagnosis and awareness. Whether it’s related to not feeling safe to come out or even being checked for signs, particularly with trans and/or non-binary people, it’s something people need to be made aware of. It shouldn’t solely be the responsibility of those from the community to make this noted. We need allies to raise their voices and support.

Roger: Because of our experience of discrimination in so many aspects of our lives, we members of the LGBTQ+ community carry that baggage from the past. Many of us know the painful rejection of family and friends, as well as the harmful attitudes of society. So, when we’re faced with situations which require us to be open about our sexuality, we’re fearful and decide not to ‘come out’. This is especially so for older people, So, their anxiety during treatment is increased for fear that their true selves are exposed.

What still needs to be done to ensure holistic treatment and support for LGBTQ+ people with breast cancer?

Miranda: We need more awareness from healthcare professionals about issues for those from the LGBTQIA+ community. The use of rainbow lanyards has been great to show that on a medical level, you have that support about your sexuality. Just asking about preferred pronoun usage may seem little but means a lot.

It’s also important to remember that disability is also intersected with this. You can be disabled and LGBTQIA+ as well. We need to have all of our different needs acknowledged and met.

Roger:  Essentially, it’s not just a matter of equality or treating everyone the same. We need to be treated as LGBTQ+ people with all our distinctive needs being fundamental to our treatment. All organisations and health professionals need to regularly consider and change their practices to ensure that there’s no doubt that they are LGBTQ+ friendly and are meeting our needs. Only by constantly engaging with us is this possible.

If you are, or know, a member of the LBGTQ+ community with breast cancer, you can find resources and support on the Live Through This website.