My cancer is a full-time job

Imagine the job spec for secondary breast cancer

'Wanted: person. Any professional and educational background. Candidate will be joining a team of thousands. Must be prepared to start in the deep-end - this is an undesirable, high-pressure and stressful position.

'No breaks or holiday offered, and candidates must be prepared to be on duty 24/7, all year-round. No support or training offered, and candidates must use their own resources or seek third-party support. Duties may change without notice, reason or explanation.

'Candidates must be willing and able to fit the role around any personal commitments, as the role may demand the candidate’s exclusive attention at any time, without notice, reason or explanation. Candidate must be resilient, organised and adaptable (although duties will remain unchanged even in the event the candidate does not possess these skills at all times).

'Benefits include meeting some of the bravest people on the planet and finding a new appreciation for life, although it is up to the candidate to identify these perks, which may require third-party assistance (which is not automatically offered).

'Salary: zero, and candidate may face expenses at any time.'

I'm a full-time secondary breast cancer patient

If people ask me what I do for a living, I say I’m a lawyer. But sometimes I think my reply should be, I’m a full-time secondary breast cancer patient who ended up with the job I set out above.

When I had primary cancer, my medical team was smaller, and there was only ever one treatment plan. Now I have a small army to help manage my ongoing pain issues and treatment plans (they update regularly at present).

I have to organise my disease

Every weekday brings emails, calls and/or appointments, which is hardly surprising when you review the range of professionals involved: a breast cancer patient may deal regularly with their oncologist, radiotherapist, breast care nurse, lymphoedema specialist, gynaecologist, palliative care doctor, GP, counsellor, pharmacist, surgeon, clinical trial doctor, physiotherapist and complementary therapist. Consider also the regular communications a patient may have with their insurance company or employer, as well as regular queries from friends and family. Oh, and lest we forget, there’s always the ‘non-cancer’ stuff – mortgage, bank, cleaning, washing, gardening, cat care… Resilience and organisation skills are crucial.

Sometimes I find myself too busy arranging, re-arranging and attending appointments to spend time chatting with loved ones about how I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by how many appointments I’m having to arrange, re-arrange and attend.

How on earth do you keep on top of it all?

1. Make a list and keep a diary or planner - This should ensure nothing gets missed, and will help determine what’s truly a priority. 
   
   
2. Loved ones are here to help - Nobody can attend your medical appointments for you, but it doesn’t have to be you who cleans the house on top of everything else. Loved ones are usually desperate to help but don’t know how. Daily chores are the answer!
   
   Joking aside, there’s nothing wrong with asking a visitor to bring over some daily essentials. It’s probably helpful for them, because they no longer have to fret about whether it’s appropriate to bring flowers, wine or chocolates. And don’t be embarrassed by how random your request for help may be. My brother once lifted the sofa up for me so as to retrieve my cat’s favourite toy.
   
   You could also ask trusted loved ones to be your ‘buffers’ when it’s all too much. Put them in charge of updating friends and employers (if appropriate), giving clear instructions as to what’s to be shared. Failing that, setting up WhatsApp groups allows you to communicate (by text or voice) without having to speak to everyone individually – and don’t be shy about saying you don’t want questions in response, because loved ones understand.
   
   
3. Go easy on yourself - We've all been given appointments that result in a mad dash across town, but I’m learning that it’s ok to rearrange. If timings or locations are really difficult, say so. Explain the situation. I’ve found that people are often willing to work with you, where possible, or suggest solutions such as an alternative clinic.
   
   
4. Seize the moment - It seems too obvious to say, but some days you’ll feel better than others. So, on good days, why not try to knock appointments on the head? For example, if you’re due to see your GP and acupuncturist tomorrow, try calling to see if they have any cancellations for today. Or if you’re seeing your oncologist or surgeon, why not check to see if they’re going to need bloods in the next few days? They may be willing to take care of it then and there, which saves you a trip.
   
   
5. Stick to what you can manage - This one is difficult. Do you, like me, sometimes feel you’re letting people down by not managing to get done what you used to breeze through? Pre-cancer, you might have been able to organise a school fete, plan the family holiday, give time to charitable causes and then run marathons in your down time. Now, it’s an effort to get a mug down from the top cupboard.

I felt I was surrendering to cancer

The simple and obvious answer is to hand the fete to someone else, for starters, but that may be emotionally challenging. It’s surrendering a part of yourself because of cancer. It’s admitting that, perhaps temporarily, you can no longer cope with things that were once easy. Acknowledging this is a big step, and there are organisations that can help.

Without diminishing the significance of taking such decisions, I’d gently suggest that you may find life easier once you free yourself from obligations that use up energy and time that you currently don’t have. Put more brutally, I suggest it’s more important for you to be rested for surgery than fulfil existing (self-imposed) obligations to your family or community. They’ll understand.

I've realised how strong I am

Cancer is a role none of us may want, but it’s only when you’re given the toughest role on earth do you realise how strong you can be. Even Superman relies on the goodness of others – and perhaps even a good to-do list!