I took comfort in eating during treatment

I couldn't process what I was going through

I noticed a painful lump in my left breast, which felt like it might be growing. Although I thought it could be a cyst, I decided to get it checked by my doctor. In February 2016, I was diagnosed with HER2 positive breast cancer. My treatment included chemotherapy, a mastectomy, radiotherapy and Herceptin.

When I was diagnosed my first thoughts were, ‘Wow!’ and ‘Really?’ I felt like the experience was happening outside of me. I couldn’t engage with any of the support services available because I was in shock. I didn’t process my feelings, or the gravity of what was happening, until much later.

I'd also just lost my dad, so I kept thinking about how he wasn't going to be there with me to get through it. I was still grieving that loss.

I kept trying to make my diagnosis feel real

I kept telling people about my diagnosis to make it feel more real. I reached out to friends who had some understanding of what was happening to me. They were so supportive. Speaking to them made me feel like I was doing something productive to help myself.

I felt like I was in limbo after treatment

I remember feeling relieved on the day I got my last Herceptin injection. For me, that drew the line for the end of active treatment. I was so happy that I hugged my nurse who I had a positive relationship with. We chatted about everything together, she was just wonderful.

But I also felt lost after treatment. I thought, ‘What do I do now?’ I felt like I was in limbo because I still had my reconstruction surgery to go.

I made self-care a priority after treatment

In the last year I've started to be honest about how I felt after my diagnosis. During my treatment, I lost my sister and it was like our family fell apart from the grief.

I also experienced fatigue when I returned to work, so self-care became important to me. My workplace had counselling available, so I took them up on that. It helped me realise I couldn’t take on problems that weren’t mine.

I started comfort eating after my diagnosis

Before I was diagnosed, I was so fit and strong, I felt like an Amazon! But without my normal energy levels, I couldn’t cook like I used to and went for convenient options. During treatment, the steroids caused me to put on weight, and I also started to overeat, as eating was an accessible comfort. I put on around three stone after my diagnosis.

I forgot to listen to my body

Instead of expressing my emotions after my diagnosis, I ate them! I ate a lot of rubbish and because I felt sluggish, I stopped doing exercise.

When I was waiting for my reconstruction and after surgery, I felt frustrated with what I could do physically. If I couldn’t exercise to the level I wanted, then I didn’t exercise at all! It became an ‘all or nothing’ situation.

I’ve lost over one stone                      

I've still got a little way to go, but I’ve gradually lost over one stone. Some people have told me I should just appreciate I’m alive and not worry about my weight gain. But I don't think they realise how gaining weight after treatment can get you down when you know you’re not making the best of yourself.

Rebekah's top 5 tips for losing weight healthily

1. Try positive self-talk

Positive self-talk is so important when you’re starting out with weight loss. I used to meditate on what I couldn’t do and that can be immobilising.

I started to focus on small things I could do and told myself I was worth it. That I was worth having a positive and strong body. This helped get my mind back to a positive place.

2. Buddy up with friends or family

If you’ve got a friend who wants to lose weight healthily too, sharing a goal can be motivating. I had friends who would encourage me to go for walks in parks I’d not normally consider working out in. My daughters also bought me a fitness tracker so I could measure my progress.

3. Listen to your body

After my mastectomy, I was advised to do light walking. Once I began exercising, I had to listen to my body, especially when I wanted to increase the amount I was doing. I had to recognise my limits.

4. Be imaginative with food

I’ve become imaginative with food again and it reminded me how much I love cooking. I cook in bulk, so I have a few days of healthy food. Even though I’m returning to how I used to eat, I recognise when I’m extremely tired and can’t manage cooking – it’s OK to have an off day.

5. Share your story with others 

Try connecting with a social group on Facebook or another online forum. It's an amazing thing to be able to share your journey with other people, and you can back each other up.