I realised how much I wanted a family when I was diagnosed

I wondered if I would die without having been a parent

In 2011, my partner and I had just started thinking about having a baby. In December that year I felt a lump while in the shower. I thought it was hormonal, but in early 2012 I was diagnosed with triple positive breast cancer, aged 36.

One of my first questions to my breast cancer nurse was, "Can I still have children?"

I postponed chemo for fertility treatment

My breast care nurse was fantastic and told me to leave it with her. Three days later I had an appointment at Bourn Hall fertility clinic.

My oncologist was fully supportive of me having fertility treatment (IVF), and delayed chemotherapy until my fertility treatment was complete.

IVF isn’t a walk in the park - you have to inject yourself frequently and go for regular scans and blood tests. When ready, the eggs are harvested. We had a process called ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection), where they pick the best sperm, fertilise the eggs and freeze the resulting embryos, of which we had seven.

Choosing what to do is very much down to individual circumstances, and some people may not have the same opportunity as me, but there are other options if freezing embryos isn’t one. I was prescribed letrozole to help control my hormone levels during the fertility treatment, then continued with my breast cancer treatment, hoping that at the end of it all we’d be able to have a baby.

I thought I’d be able to use my embryos straight after hormone therapy

After active, hospital-based treatment, I had to go on hormone therapy for 2 years, to reduce the risk of recurrence as much as possible. After that I had to be re-referred by a gynaecologist to have the IVF treatment, and to reach the IVF criteria set by my CCG once again to qualify for NHS treatment – all of which I had been through before.

One of the boxes I had to tick was having a certain BMI (for my CCG, it was below 30). But treatment had made me gain weight, particularly the steroids, which I was on for two years due to a drug sensitivity. I had to go on a drastic diet to lose it again.

So many don’t get to discuss fertility

I now realise I was lucky to receive the treatment on the NHS and have such a supportive team. As an admin on the Younger Breast Cancer Network, I speak to many women who have had completely different experiences. It’s a real postcode lottery, from what you have to pay for through to even having the topic brought up in the first place.

For example, it was never mentioned that I would have to pay about £300 per year after the first year to store my embryos. One day I just received an invoice, which was the first I knew about it.

Although NICE guidance has recommendations for people with cancer who wish to preserve fertility there is a lot of variation throughout the country regarding access and provision. And many patients don’t even realise that cancer treatments can affect fertility, in men and women.

Speaking to other women helped me through

For both breast cancer treatment and IVF, I found so much support from speaking to other women going through the same thing on forums and Facebook groups.

Peer support is essential. When you join, you’re naïve, you’re scared and overwhelmed, and you need someone to help you make sense of it. Symptoms come up that you’re not sure about, but you ask the community and someone will always reply. It’s reassuring, like a safety net or comfort blanket – there is a feeling of belonging (albeit to a club no one wants to join).

I had to prepare my body for IVF

We wanted to try naturally first, and tried for 3 months but it didn’t happen, so we decided to go ahead and use our embryos.

I had 2 rounds of IVF, both using our frozen embryos.

The first step was to see how our embryos thawed, which is not always successful. For the first attempt we thawed 4 and decided to use the 2 best quality embryos.

Before the embryo transfer, I had to take a number of drugs again to prepare my body to receive the embryo, including oestrogen and progesterone.

The first round didn’t have a successful outcome. I got pregnant, and at my 7-week viability scan they could see a heartbeat, however the embryo was measuring a bit smaller than expected. They told me to come back in a week for another scan and to be cautiously optimistic.

A week later, I went to my scan –there was no heartbeat. I’d had a missed miscarriage. 

We feel so lucky to have Elliot

I only had 3 frozen embryos left, and only 2 survived being thawed. We decided to transfer both and hope that at least one was viable. Amazingly, one survived and implanted, which resulted in my little boy, Elliot. He is a 19 month-old bundle of energy, and although at times it’s exhausting, I would not change it for the world.

Without that final attempt at IVF, we wouldn’t have had children.

Breast cancer gave me a reality check

I was 42 when I had Elliot – a ‘geriatric’ mother according to my medical notes!

Before I was diagnosed I was a bit of a workaholic. Being a mum wasn’t something that I'd always dreamed of from a young age. Then I met my current partner, and meeting the right person made me realise I wanted a family.

Breast cancer gave me a huge reality check. I’d faced my own mortality, I’d realised I wasn’t invincible. It helped me recognise what is important to me. When I was diagnosed one of my first thoughts was, ‘What if I die and I've never been a mum? What if I die having never experienced childbirth or parenthood?’ For me, that was so important.

I won’t have any more children, Elliot will be our one and only. I am now back on tamoxifen and will be for the foreseeable future. I'm disappointed that Elliott won’t have a sibling, but feel so lucky that he is in our lives. He is loved beyond words. Our little miracle.