I can’t begin to explain how terrified I was when I received my breast cancer diagnosis

I didn’t think it was anything serious 

My cancer story begins on 15 October 2020. I woke in the night with a shooting pain through my collarbone. I thought I’d just trapped a nerve, so I readjusted myself and went back to sleep. 

The next morning, I had a big lump on my right breast. 

Obviously worried, I called my GP, who reassured me it was likely to be an infection and – unless it became inflamed and red – would probably sort itself out. I booked an appointment for the following week just to be safe, but then carried on as normal. 

By the time I went to the GP, the lump had reduced in size a bit. However, she said that she couldn’t be sure what it was and that it felt a bit solid. I said I thought I needed to see a specialist, and she agreed. 

COVID meant I waited longer than usual 

Two weeks went by and I hadn’t yet received an appointment, but that was typical for COVID times. I chased it up and was told I could attend a hospital out of my area, but I thought it would be better to do that rather than keep waiting.  

When I arrived at the appointment, they wanted to send me away and see me again in another 6 months’ time. I understood why, as the initial lump had continued to reduce. However, when I clenched my muscles in that area, there was dimpling in the skin. This prompted them to investigate further. 

I returned a few days later for a mammogram and ultrasound. During this process they assured me they couldn’t see anything sinister, but while I was there they would do a couple of biopsies just to be sure. They didn’t place a marker because they weren’t concerned.  

I was too terrified to sleep with the light off  

A week later, on 18 November 2020, my world came crashing down.  

I had triple negative breast cancer, and it had already spread to my lymph nodes. The doctors used words such as ‘invasive breast cancer’ and talked about tumour sizes.  

I was on my own at the appointment – again due to COVID – and I remember looking at them in disbelief. Surely this was wrong, I thought. I had an infection, not cancer. 

The drive home was awful. All I could think about was my boys. They are young men – 21 and 23 – but I’m not ready to not be in their lives; they still have so much living to do and I want to see that. I want to meet my grandchildren. I don’t want to be just a photo on the mantelpiece. 

Later that night, I couldn’t turn the light off. I didn’t want to sleep in the dark. All I could imagine was how that could be my forever in a short space of time. I can’t even explain how terrified I was that night – I've never spoken about it to anyone. 

I wanted to take back some control over my situation 

With my world crashing around me and my birthday around the corner (6 December), I decided the only thing I could control was to raise money for charity. So, I asked my friends and family if they would donate to Breast Cancer Now instead of getting me anything.   

Of course they still did and I was flooded with gifts, but I also added a link on Facebook and we raised £1,100! 

Later on, once I’d actually started treatment, I needed something to focus on – so I signed up for Race for Life with Cancer Research.  

I had EC chemotherapy on 23 April 2021 then, with the support of friends and family, completed the 5K walk the next day. It was a very uplifting occasion. As we walked, people gave us money and shared their stories of friends or loved ones, going through the same battle. On this occasion, we raised £1,600.  

Having something to focus on during treatment was so helpful  

As my treatment progressed, I realised I was actually going to make it through.  

I’d been through chemotherapy in hospital, had surgery (a lumpectomy and 31 lymph nodes removed), completed my two weeks of radiotherapy, and was now starting chemotherapy tablets at home. I’d been told I was ‘no evidence of disease’ and that needed celebrating.   

So, I set about arranging a ‘Kick Cancer’s Arse’ party.  

We asked for prizes to be donated for a raffle, but due to the kind and generous donations of local companies the prizes were just too good for a £1 ticket - so we held a silent auction online. It was easy to set up, and we did it so we could announce the winners at the party.   

Again, people were amazingly generous, and we raised a total of £2,140 for Breast Cancer Now.   

For me, I believe having something to focus on other than the harsh treatments and the absolute horror of having cancer really helped with my journey, and it didn’t take a lot of effort. The party was a celebration of life and being happy and grateful for every day - which I certainly am.